I read an article on Thrive Global about Adam Grant’s views on happiness. It was titled Adam Grant: Chasing Happiness can Chase It Away.
Until a few years ago, I defined happiness as that state of success–where I am at the peak of my career and every aspect of my life is unfolding as it should. So I was particularly struck by a quote Grant shared on the article above:
This is life. It is mostly ordinary. We do mundane tasks. On most days nothing special happens to us. But how we live this ordinary life, and how we spend these ordinary days, determine the quality of our lives.
I am becoming more aware of how much condition I had set to be happy: x should like me, y should happen to me, z should say this, I should have that, and so on. But what if the conditions were not necessary? What if we can accept the disappointment and the sadnes, let this wash over us, AND then let ourselves experience joy.
It was easier to get trapped in conditional joy when I was swamped with work and career choices. Every so often, something good happened: I received recognition or another goal I’d set had been achieved. But when I finally had to stop working to recover from illnesses, I could no longer hide behind my busy schedule nor use my achievements to cover up the mounting sadness I never wanted to feel.
So I felt the rawness of my pain. It was just me and my heart and my thoughts. I was more present each moment. It was difficult to sit with the “negative” emotions. AND yet, I realized, I can handle them.
Letting these unpleasant emotions pass through freed me. Now that much of the pain is gone, or it’s manageable on most days, there is no more need to hide. There is less need for extraordinary days and achievements. I am already worth, I am already whole. I don’t need accolades to feel complete.
Perhaps not surprisingly, there’s finally more space and time in my life for things that bring me joy. I still need to get used to feeling this light and happy. I have to admit I have to gradually work on raising my upper limit for joy. (I picked up this concept of upper limit from one of Marie Forleo’s videos.)
So perhaps it helps to consider this life lesson: What if we can find joy where we are now? How different would our days, our lives, be? Despite the imperfections, can we allow life to show us the gift in ordinary days? Can we allow ourselves to be happy with what we have now even as we move toward our dreams? Is success or wealth (name anything) truly a precondition for happiness? What if we only thought they were, but they’re not?
I still love surprises, achievements, and extraordinary events. But I’m beginning to love the ordinary days too. I no longer feel like I’m doing something wrong or not living up to my potential. Because I know that what matters more is how I live through and celebrate all those ordinary days.
Finally, I’m fine with loving mundane Wednesdays.
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